“Look, I can’t marry you!”
“I know, we are in a 5 year relation but now the time has changed. Before 5 years when we knew of love – it was about you and me. Now when we think of love – it’s about your family with my family. We already have had given the shot in convincing our parents, but failed desperately. Moreover, neither you nor I wants to elope! So, why to be in a relation and get hurt. Its better we part our ways and never meet again, INTENTIONALLY”
“Just meet – for the last time – once for all!”
This was my second last conversation with the girl I loved via text message.
<The next day>
I was having a chocolate flavored ice-cream at our college canteen and suddenly my love passed by at the counter to grab her daily meal. She noticed me and I noticed her. Watch out it was just a game of NOTICING. Her expressions said it all. She wanted to talk but didn’t, after noticing my response on seeing her. I noticed her but acted as if she got unnoticed. Yes, I noticed her – she had put a purple eye-liner to cover her dried eyes. Her mole which is perfectly placed below the corner of the left eye shined bright in the sunny day. I used to tell her that the mole acted as an added ingredient to the already cooked tasty dish. Her face was sad but her plastic smile acted as a catalyst to hide the situation. But, today she looked different. Because, she had a small black bindi put on her forehead. Why?? I didn’t know the reason and wanted to enquire. But how?
Finally, I decided to take a further step and stood along with her in the waiting queue at the counter. I asked, “Hi, wassup..? You are looking dull today!” Even when I knew the reason of her dullness I still asked since I didn’t find any other topic to initiate the conversation. She nodded for my Hi and threw a light smile in response to the question. The smile said it all. It was a fake smile and I was the reason for it. I was the culprit. My heart skipped a bit. We both went in the “silent mode”. It was a situation where on one side, I was eager to know the reason for why she has put a bindi and on the other side I have ended our 5 year relation saying we would not talk again. And today, it was me approaching her for a talk!
I questioned, “Why have you put a small black colored bindi today?”
She waved a laugh. May be, it was real this time. Because with her laugh I had a sigh of relief. She replied, “Bindi is just an added beauty. Many a times when I put a bindi, I receive positive complements so I thought of having it today. Just to hide my wet tears and withered face. (Smiles). Moreover, the bindi is YOU.”
“Ahhh…….ok…anyways bindi looks pretty on you. Ciao…got to go…. At Basketball court”
“You don’t need to tell me where you are going, from now onwards. Hope you realize it”
I left. She took her plate, sat with her friend Rashmi and Alwa. I noticed her taking the seat – grabbing the meal – throwing fake smiles at regular jokes…because I was watching her.
Cherishing the last moments…somewhere between the happy – sad feeling, I left her forever. But really???
<After 15 years>
While taking out time from the regular office hours for having pizza with a coke float, later followed by a cigarette makes you feel like a heaven. I was on that heaven state. Suddenly, I saw a woman with a maroon kurta having blue design, ordering something at the counter. Her bangles made the voice whenever she had a hand movement and the voice softly mingled and jiggled with the sweet tone of hers. It was like a song for me! The soft, yet curly hairs were tried with a regular black juda stick. I could figure out the length of her hair to be longer in size since it was roughly tied, so few opened up. The rough attire of hair smoothed the aroma of that woman. She turned back and suddenly smiled looking at me. I smiled with a lot of joy because it was her….my college love.
Without having a double state of mind, she came to my table…took a long sip from the coke float and said, “What is my cool boy doing in this hot sunny day!” My heart started dancing to the song which was the composure of her bangle plus voice. My mind stopped thinking. My body got energized and my voice got dead in excitement. She even referred me by the same reference she used during college days: “My cool boy”. I could not imagine of anything. Sometimes there comes situations in life where you want to share and talk a lot but couldn’t. Because the excitement and joy have already overtaken the mind and soul – after meeting the person of your need, want and desire. I just smiled in happiness. Happy tears rolled down form her eyes and suddenly a big tear from left corner, passing from her mole started to fall. I wiped off that tear because after 15 years I didn’t want to see a tear even if, it was a happy one. She smiled with cry, and I cried with smile!
Later, when we were in talking state she told me about her marriage and scolded me for not attending the function. I lied her with the reason for not attending the marriage and got caught immediately. But she left the topic in between since we didn’t want to put ourselves in the “silent mode”…at least for this time. Then we talked a little. Remembered our college friends, the trips, the fun and our cherished moments. Suddenly, I saw her bindi. She had put a small black bindi. Yes the bindi looked same as the bindi which I saw 15 years ago in the canteen for the first time. And above it, was a maroon colored one…a little bigger in size. I asked her the reason for the bindi. She got slightly irritated. I loved her state of irritation because she looked sweeter while throwing irritating expression.
She replied, “Errrrr….why you are behind my bindi…sorry our…Errrrr….all the time. Look, the maroon one is matching with my kurti. Moreover, married Indian woman wears bindi. It has become a fashion statement, too. Am I not looking more beautiful with this bindi? I’m, right! So, I have put a bindi. About the black colored one. I have told you before. I guess before 15 years. The black one is YOU. Now it has become a regular routine and can’t get rid of it…Ok…is it enough of the explanation…about bindi…Mr….or should I need to say more…rather shout more”
I laughed, she joined and suddenly we heard, “Order no. 13 ready”.
She waved a good bye and left. We promised that I would leave my children at her home while I and my wife go for shopping. She agreed and told she would also follow the same. We promised to be in contact and moved towards our schedule (Rather life) by a formal hug and a smile.
I went to the office. The 1 sentence that haunted me was “That bindi is YOU”. I mean why me? What is my relation with the bindi. I googled and found why Indian woman puts…a Bindi. Found many reason but the strongest reason which was relating me to the black bindi of hers was:
A bindi is a dot applied in the center of the forehead close to the eyebrows. The area between the eyebrows, the sixth chakra known as the ‘agna’ meaning ‘command’, is the seat of concealed wisdom. In yogic science, this spot is considered as one of immense power, often called as the third eye. The moments which normal human eyes fail to see gets captured through third eye. It is the centre point wherein all experience is gathered in total concentration.
There we go…She related our relation with a small black bindi. The day I saw her with a bindi was the 1st day after our break-up. She wanted to preserve the moments, she wanted our love to live forever and she wanted to capture all of me in that particular bindi. Today, I realized the power of that bindi. Even If I tried to kill over my love, it was still alive in that bindi. She kept it alive. She has protected our relation, till date. I was shocked in happiness. Why? Because, she accepted my decision with respect and preserved our relation with care. I thought of being culprit but recognized I was never seen as a culprit by her.
She understood and accepted me for whatever I’m.
Bindi was the new symbol of love-trust-care for me, NOW.
Thanks Hetu’s for reading this particular looonnngggg blog post. And, a request to all the females out there – Wear a bindi!! I bet you will discover a new…YOU, looking more beautiful. And, surely the bindi will add more charm to your overall attire!